Thursday, February 5, 2015

former teen mom


I am a former teen mom who had four children (with the same guy) in five years. I had my oldest when i was 16 and my youngest when I was 21. 

One of my biggest pet peeves as a teen mother was when people used to tell me, I was just a baby having a baby. Sure, I was 16 years old... but becoming a mother changed my life forever and I was no longer a baby but someone's mother. People just didn't get that! I was responsible for the lives who grew inside me. Even if people didn't think I would, I loved and accepted my life, still do! In fact, I whole-heartedly believe that one of my main purposes in life was having them. All four of them! 


We may not have always had the best of everything but we definitely made the best of what we had! 


These days, I look around at my life and feel thankful! Here we are all these years later and we're still here! we're still making it and we're still trying! On a personal note: I am also very thankful I don't have to give up my career and our main source of income and means of life and that I don't need to find a baby-sitter to go the store and no longer buy diapers by the box. In fact, the only 3 am feedings I have to deal with are my own. I have cubs who can get themselves ready for school, or work... they can cook their own lunch or dinner if I'm running late or not going to be home when they're hungry and if I don't feel like driving... I have sons willing to drive me. (even if i am the most nervous passenger out there). 

I am 35 now and my career is taking off in a good direction and I can't imagine not being able to do what I do now. In fact, I can't imagine what my life would be like having babies right now. My husband and I talk about adding two more to our tribe, but for the time being we're just going to enjoy being married and being able to have dinner, go to the movies and just be together as my children adjust to having a male presence in their lives. Something they've not really been able to experience until my husband came into our lives. Even at this stage, as long as we've been dating and while we were engaged and after our wedding, they are still adjusting to having him around. 

Anyways, my children and I have survived some turbulent conditions surrounded by people who know how to make bad situations worse but we've made it to a good place and its not because of any one person, place or thing that has happened to us or for us... it's because we believed in each other, we never gave up on one another and they know I will always be here for them and with them and i know they will always love me (even when they don't like me) and trust me when i say If i can I will and if we can't i let them know we can't and why! Its also because of the support I have from my beautiful mother and sisters and even my dad. <3 we would not be where we are without their help! 

Today, we are in a place of growth and we are in a place where more often then not, I am enemy number one... and thats ok! why? because even if I am enemy number one they will still come and sit beside me, hug me, tell me things that are going on in their lives and ask me what's going on in mine. They hug me when i am upset or cry and will tell me they love me- even if they're the reason for my tears and I do the same for them, especially when I am the reason for their hurt and upset feelings. When we fight, after things calm, I let them know, that even if I am upset with them it doesn't mean i don't love them and when they tell me they're mad at me, I  tell them its OK for them to be mad. I will apologize when I need to and explain where i am or was coming from. We share each others happinesses, successes and accomplishments... also our anger, sorrow and pain. 

We are a blended family, a broken family, a healing family and a young family... but nonetheless, we are family. 

complicatingly simple


I am a simple girl, well... ok... I'm a very complex simple girl... and its all the complicated things that makes me simple. I don't play games, I don't say I don't want something if I do, I don't say I'm fine- when I'm not and I know what I want ONLY by knowing what I don't want! If someone has done something which affects the way I think, act or feel- good or bad... I usually let that person know it. Even if it's something I should have kept to myself. I tend to go for what I want and when I got it, realize that I want more than just that. So i go for another something and when i get that i still need more. Out of life, out of love and out of everything. 

I don't do this because I am trying to be perfect and I don't do this because I think nothing is ever good enough, I do this because... there's so much more to see, do, think, feel... and I want to see it all, be a part of it all, know what it feels like, tastes like, smells like. I want to keep reaching for new things and higher goals and just keep going. Why stop when you get there...?

That to me would be like going to disneyland and just standing outside the gates saying... I made it here. EFF THAT! I need to go inside, I need to go on the rides, check out the shops, watch a movie, I need to see the fireworks... I can't just spend my life saying I want to go to Disneyland and just stand outside looking at it- just happy that I made it here.. when I finally get there! and since Disneyland is in Anaheim California and within driving limits of LA and Hollywood and Tijuana Mexico... why stop there?

to me, thats what I am, who I am and even though, its simple... to me... it makes me a complicated woman to others. So while I make plans to go to Disneyland-  know thats not the only thing I'm going to do... i'm not going to just GO i am going to EXPERIENCE it! 

And that seems simple enough, go for what you want, and when ya get it don't stop... keep going!

~*~ Victoria  ~*~

 copied and pasted from my original blog www[dot]dustdancerproductions[dot]blogspot[dot]com on Feb 14, 2011 that I no longer have access to.